


Nervous Ache

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey, the GazettE
Genre: Angst, Cumshot, Explicit Language, Frottage, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-15
Updated: 2008-11-15
Packaged: 2017-11-15 16:48:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/529429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reita did something and he's not sure if he'll regret it or not. But he won't let fear rule him, won't let something slip past just because of a ridiculous emotion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nervous Ache

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 50stories.  
> Theme: 034: Music  
> Beta Readers: ladydeathfaerie, Aoi~  
> Song[s]: "Static" by Echostream

My hands are sweaty, my body trembling as I prepare to walk out on that stage. Normally I'm all cool, calm, and collected - the picture perfect example of how someone should be before a live. For what feels like the millionth time, I wipe my hands on the pants of my outfit, trying to make it so they aren't slippery on my bass. I'm not even sure why I'm choosing to enter the stage with my instrument instead of the way I'd normally come on. Everyone else is out there and I had a roadie bring me the sleek black instrument while I'm standing here in the wings.

Maybe I want a dramatic entrance or maybe I'm terrified to go on tonight. A part of me knows it's the second, my mind screaming at me for being such an idiot to do what I did. I swallow hard as Ruki finishes his MC and the first songs starts. My fingers move and I slowly manage to get myself to walk out on stage, staring out across that sea of faces, praying that somewhere out there... _he's_ there.

But I don't see him, for so many songs, I don't see him at all. He hasn't come. I gave him the ticket to be in the third row, my side of the stage... and there's only an empty seat. It almost breaks my heart to know I meant so little to him... or that I scared him with what I wrote. Still, my fingers play on as I pour the agony of my soul into it all, my eyes falling shut and I remain where I am, playing for all I'm worth.

They'll know something's wrong... all of them - the band, the fans... the world. It can't be helped. I'm never like this, never so frozen and upset. But for the first time in a long time, I can feel what I'm playing like it's being ripped from inside my own body. Despite my not moving, I know it's a better show than I've put on in a long time.

It's silly... stupid even. I shouldn't have done it. I should never have sent Die the ticket and that letter telling him how much I have missed him since we met all those months ago... how much I wanted to get in his pants. How could I have been so stupid? But then it strikes me - of course I was that stupid. I always am and always will be a complete loser when it comes to properly hitting on someone. One would think I'd be really smooth about it, the big old hero in the sex department. But in reality, I'm worse than a fumbling teenager all hyped up on sugar.

It's the second to last song and I stare right back at that seat, something inside me giving up, and my music feels flat to my own ears. But it fits, the song having that quality as well, as if it were meant to be played by a soulless bassist with glass eyes. The image even forces me to realize how stupid I'm being. Why should it matter? So he's rejected me. Big fucking deal!

But it is a big deal. Ruki's speaking, but I'm not paying attention. The crowd cheers and I think I hear my name, but I don't really pay attention to it. There's a laugh and then someone's touching me, their hands running over my chest and shoulders, my bass being tugged to the side by someone else. My head snaps up and it's then that I see him - that red hair unmistakable as he rests his forearms on the edge of the railing in the first row, a grin on his face as Ruki grabs my hair, yanking me down and plastering his mouth to mine.

I squeal like a girl, I know I do and I know the whole damn world just heard it. Then his tongue's in my mouth and his hand's on my crotch. I gasp, but kiss him back, knowing if I don't there'll be hell to pay with Kai for it later. Fanservice is somewhat of a requirement and I realize I've completely forgotten the two times I was supposed to participate tonight.

When he finally pulls away, I'm actually a little turned on, not really wanting to be, but all the same, I am. I guess I can't help it, my body just liking the touch, no matter who it's from. My cheeks are flushed and my hair feels like it's a mess. Ruki's laughing and taunting me in his MC.

Finally, I refocus on the crowd, my eyes landing on Die. He's still grinning up at me, his stance telling me he's completely relaxed. I lick my lips a little as I give him a look that desperately says I want him to know that was only fanservice. He gestures a little to my right and I glance away, seeing Aoi standing there, still holding my bass away from me and trying not to laugh. I glare at him and take my instrument back, readjusting clothing and everything to prepare for the last song.

When I look back, halfway through the encore, Die's gone, his spot vacant and I feel my heart dip again. Well... at least he showed up. Maybe he was trying to tell me he wasn't mad at me for what I sent, but that there's no way for us to be together. The last notes of the final song ring out and I toss my pick into the crowd, all but bolting off stage rather than waiting with the others like I usually do.

I end up down the hall closer to the exit back out into the concert hall, just standing there with my hands against the wall and my head bowed, my breathing a bit harsh as I come down from the rush that doing a live always gives me. I'm still aroused and that irritates me beyond belief. It's not like my cock is hard, but my body is humming with the desire to be taken. Warmth is pooled in my stomach and I do my best to ignore it as I finally push away from the wall and turn back toward the dressing rooms to clean up and head home.

"Rei..."

My back stiffens and I stop mid-step before slowly looking back. His voice... I know it's him before I even see him, his red hair and brilliant smile brightening the dim florescent lighting of the hallway. He lifts a hand and then pats me on the back once he's close enough. "Nice performance tonight. I could really hear the difference since last tour."

I stare at him in disbelief. "Since last tour..." I repeat the words like they make no sense.

"Ah... yeah." He laughs softly. "I'm a member of the fanclub, didn't you know that?"

I blink stupidly at him. He... he's a member... oh, god! That's why he was in the first row! I try to smile, the gesture coming off somewhat uneasy as I realize he might not have even gotten my letter.

I must look the way I feel, because he gives me an odd look and then something flashes across his face and he offers a bit more of a lopsided smile. "I just realized you were probably looking for me in the third row all night and didn't think I came... huh?"

I just nod, unable to do more than that. He pats my shoulder and then inclines his head toward the other end of the hall. "They're watching us."

I glance up, glaring down the hall at Ruki and Uruha, who are standing there, blatantly staring. Then I look away, knowing they won't leave and it's pointless to scream at them. "Yeah... they're nosey."

He chuckles and then leans back against the wall. "So why are you all the way down here? I thought I'd end up at your dressing rooms before I found you. But here you are."

I shrug a little. "I guess I was... I don't know... mad at myself." Why the hell do I always have to be so damn honest?

"Did you think I'd stand you up when you invited me, when you poured your heart out in that letter?" He keeps his voice low, making sure Ruki and Uruha can't hear him.

I blush, shifting uneasily. "Yeah... about that... I um-"

He cuts me off, a smile on his face. "You regret sending it because you're worried. I get it, Reita. Really, I do. But you shouldn't be. I'm not sure how you guessed it, or even if you did, but I tend to swing both ways, if you know what I mean." He flashes me this cute little grin and then continues on. "So I was actually rather flattered when you sent me that note. I would have called you, but I thought it'd be more personal if I just came here instead, you know?"

I blink at him and then slowly nod. "So... you... you'd consider it?"

He nods. "Of course. I enjoyed that night we spent out clubbing together a few months ago and you seem like a great guy." He pulls out a cigarette and lighter as he's talking, lighting up and then taking a drag before continuing. "Plus, you know what it's like; the things we have to hide and all that. It'll make it easier on both of us than trying to date someone of our own gender outside the business."

It almost comes as a shock how easily he says it, like it's nothing at all. Maybe to him this isn't some huge mid-life crisis. But to me it's like I'm trying to sneak around and drink beer when I was fourteen behind my parent's backs. "So we... you..." Fuck. Why do I sound like a damn kid?

He chuckles again and then hands me the rest of his cigarette. "How about we go back to my hotel and talk about it after you change?"

I just nod dumbly as he herds me down the hallway, right toward Ruki and Uruha. I get a catcall from Ruki and a grin from Uruha that tells me one of the bastards has either read my mind or my damn letter before I sent it out. I glare pointedly at them as we all make our way into the small changing area and get cleaned up.

I manage to take a fast shower in the dinky little area provided and then change into a t-shirt and jeans. Now I feel stupid. I wish I'd brought something better to wear than these old rags. But then I come back around the curtain and see Die talking with Aoi, pointing out some things in what is obviously Aoi's composition book. Die's clothes look worse than mine, his jeans have a million holes and his t-shirt is a bit ripped. Then there's the fact that he's still drenched in sweat. But I don't mind that. Sweat has never bothered me and probably never will.

I come to stand in front of him, pointedly giving Aoi a look that means finish up and leave. They finish discussing the topic at hand and then Aoi gracefully makes his exit, heading for the shower himself. Die stands up and grins at me. "Ready?"

My head nods all by itself, bobbing lightly in affirmation that I am, of course, ready to leave with Die at my side. We figure out the logistics of who drove and who didn't - the driver being me - and we set out toward my car, getting in and Die giving me directions to his hotel.

I feel so odd... like I'm living in my own head as a part of a dream rather than reality. I'm not even really sure how we get to the damn hotel, just that suddenly we're in his room and I glance at myself in the mirror, taking note of the fact that I have a rather glassy look in my eyes. I know I'm not quite with it - I never am after a show. But this is a bit more than usual... as if my brain doesn't quite believe Die is there with me or that I'm in his hotel room, standing here as he just yanks off his shirt and strips his jeans.

"I'm hot." It's a comment out of left-field and my own reply slips from my lips before I can censor it.

"Yes, you are." For whatever reason, I'm not even ashamed I've said it. I just stare at him like the deprived pervert that I am, already feeling the beginnings of arousal stir in my groin.

He pauses, looking almost surprised that I actually said it. But then he's grinning again and before I know it, I'm pressed against the wall, his sweaty body pinning mine against the faded blue paint. His lips cover mine and I don't even try to resist, only opening my mouth for him. His kiss is sweet, but the undertone is clear, the lust we're both feeling ramping up within it by the second.

Then he's moving, his hands removing my pants and then pushing up at my shirt as he breaks away from the kiss. I gasp softly, allowing him to continue with this, stripping me bare against the wall outside the bathroom. Next come his boxers, sliding to the floor to reveal the fact that he's already as aroused as I am.

Unable to stop myself, I just reach out for him, grasping his length and pumping until a rough groan falls from his lips against my neck. "Fuck... Rei, baby." He pries my hand away, threading it with his own as he presses against me, his cock sliding up the length of my own as he brings our hands down to fist around us both. The rhythm he starts is fast, almost frantic, and it's right then that I know he wants this as much as I do.

His mouth returns to my own and he forces his way into my mouth, not waiting on the willing compliance I was about to give him. But it feels good, knowing that he's so desperate to have me like this that he doesn't want to wait. I suck on his tongue, emulating what I'd be doing to his dick if I were on my knees. He pumps us faster in response, his hips thrusting in an attempt to get more from it.

I'm trembling, my entire body burning up with the lust he's instilled in me. I know I'm close and in a way it irritates me that I'm already hanging by a thread at so little. But then, he's just that good. I pull away from the kiss to let my head rest against the wall as I pant for breath, my hips jerking as he continues to pleasure us with both of our hands.

"Ahn... Die!" My body tenses and I shudder with an almost violent force as the throb starts deep inside me, rippling outward until I'm spraying my cum across both of us.

He keeps moving, ensuring our hands continue the actions against his swollen sex. It isn't but a few moments later and then he's moaning in my ear as his warmth joins my own, slicking between and around us. I can feel him throb against me as the pleasant sensation of his release covering us continues.

Soon enough, we're both panting softly, our breaths mingling as he kisses me again for a moment and then simply lets go and steps back. "Now you're more than you were before." Leaving the comment drifting between us, he turns and enters the bathroom, not bothering to close the door as he gets into the shower.

I stare after him, confusion in my gaze until it clicks and then I get it. A soft laugh leaves my mouth and I trail in after him, washing up at the sink as I shake my head. I wonder if it'll always be like this, if this will even last more than a few weeks. But it doesn't really matter because I'll take anything I can get... and I think he knows it.

**The End**  



End file.
